Walking in Submission - Advice for Christian Marriage. (Ephesians 5: 21-33)

This Podcast is part of a 10-year project to complete an in-depth, daily study of the entire Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. 

Episode Notes:  Walking in Submission - Advice for Christian Marriage. (Ephesians 5: 21-33) 

 The text now turns to one of the most practical, most needed, and let’s be honest, most misunderstood subjects in the entire New Testament: Because we are advised to walk in submission. And we are going to consider it in the context of where most people live, this aspect of the Christian walk out that is within marriage. 

 With so many marriages falling apart today, with so many couples struggling, with so much confusion about roles, expectations, and responsibilities, with so much advice given online by so-called influencers, one of the greatest needs in our society is a clear, healthy, godly model of marriage. A model people can look at and say, “If we lived like that, we would have a strong, joyful, lasting marriage.”

 I wonder if you know a couple like that? A couple whose marriage you would gladly recommend as a model for others?

 I think many of us might struggle to think of one, but the good news is this. God Himself has given us the perfect model for marriage. Not a cultural model, not a modern model, not a traditional model, and certainly not a psychological model.

 A biblical model. A Christ‑centred model. A Spirit‑filled model.

 And Paul lays it out for us in Ephesians 5.

 Now, some of you might be thinking. “I’m not married — why do I need this?” Let me tell you why.

 If you’re single, you need this more than married people do. Married people are already in the middle of their story; they’re already living out the consequences of the choices they made.

 But if you’re single, you still have the opportunity to choose wisely, to prepare well, to know what to look for, and to build your expectations on God’s design rather than the world’s confusion.

 And even if you’re single and have no plans to marry, you still need this passage.

 Why?

 Because you know married people. You will be asked for advice. You will be asked to pray. You might be asked to support, encourage, or guide, and you need to know what God says, so you can help others wisely.

 So today, we are going to look at:

 ·         God’s model for marriage,

·         The meaning of biblical submission,

·         The sacrificial love of Christ,

·         And how marriage becomes a living picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.

 And it all begins with one foundational verse:

 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

 This is the doorway into everything that follows.

 Before Paul speaks to wives, before he speaks to husbands, before he speaks about roles, before he even speaks about love and sacrifice, he lays down this principle:

 The Christian life is a life of mutual submission. A life shaped by Christlike humility. A life marked by self‑giving love.

 This is the heartbeat of Christian marriage. This is the heartbeat of Christian relationships. This is the heartbeat of the gospel….

Transcript

Walking in Submission: Advice for Christian Marriage. (Ephesians 5: 21-33)

Transcript. 

WELCOME & INTRODUCTION:

 Welcome back, friends

It’s a joy to have you with me again as we continue our journey through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians — a letter that has been showing us not only who we are in Christ, but how we are to live because of that identity.

We’ve already explored what it means to:

Walk in unity,

Walk in truth,

Walk in honesty,

Walk in kindness,

Walk in forgiveness,

Walk in love,

Walk in the light,

And walk in wisdom.

The text now turns to one of the most practical, most needed, and let’s be honest, most misunderstood subjects in the entire New Testament:

Because we are advised to walk in submission. And we are going to consider it in the context of where most people live, this aspect of the Christian walk out that is within marriage. 

With so many marriages falling apart today, with so many couples struggling, with so much confusion about roles, expectations, and responsibilities, with so much advice given online by so-called influencers, one of the greatest needs in our society is a clear, a healthy, godly model of marriage.

A model people can look at and say, “If we lived like that, we would have a strong, joyful, lasting marriage.”

I wonder if you know a couple like that? A couple whose marriage you would gladly recommend as a model for others?

I think many of us might struggle to think of one, but the good news is this:

God Himself has given us the perfect model for marriage. Not a cultural model, not a modern model, not a traditional model, and certainly not a psychological model.

A biblical model. A Christ‑centred model. A Spirit‑filled model.

And Paul lays it out for us in Ephesians 5.

Now, some of you might be thinking. “I’m not married — why do I need this?” Let me tell you why.

If you’re single, you need this more than married people do. Married people are already in the middle of their story; they’re already living out the consequences of the choices they made.

But if you’re single, you still have the opportunity to choose wisely, to prepare well, to know what to look for, and to build your expectations

on God’s design rather than the world’s confusion.

And even if you’re single and have no plans to marry, you still need this passage.

Why?

Because you know married people. You will be asked for advice. You will be asked to pray. You might be asked to support, encourage, or guide, and you need to know what God says, so you can help others wisely.

And beyond that, this passage is not only about marriage. It is about Christ, the gospel, and most importantly, submission and sacrifice. Love, humility, and Christlike character.

It is about how every Christian believer, married or single, is called to imitate Jesus.

So today, we are going to look at:

·         God’s model for marriage,

·         The meaning of biblical submission,

·         The sacrificial love of Christ,

·         And how marriage becomes a living picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.

And it all begins with one foundational verse:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

(Ephesians 5:21)

This is the doorway into everything that follows.

Before Paul speaks to wives, before he speaks to husbands, before he speaks about roles, before he even speaks about love and sacrifice, he lays down this principle:

The Christian life is a life of mutual submission. A life shaped by Christlike humility. A life marked by self‑giving love.

This is the heartbeat of Christian marriage. This is the heartbeat of Christian relationships. This is the heartbeat of the gospel….

So, let’s read the passage together and then explore what it means

to walk in submission.

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – 30 for we are members of his body. 31 ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ 32 This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

(Eph 5: 21-33)

Paul begins this section with a principle that applies to every believer: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  (Eph 5:21)

This is the foundation; this is the doorway. This is the atmosphere in which all Christian relationships operate.

Before Paul says a single word to wives, before he gives any instruction to husbands, he establishes this:

Submission is a Christian virtue, not a gendered one.

Submission is Christlike.

Submission is servanthood.

Submission is love in action.

Every believer is called to it. Every Christian relationship is shaped by it, and every follower of Jesus is invited to imitate Him in it.

Only after establishing this principle does Paul begin to apply it to marriage.

1. The Passage Naturally Divides Into Two Parts

It addresses:

Wives (verses 22–24)

Husbands (verses 25–33)

Both receive instruction, both receive a model, and both receive a calling…. Both are called to imitate Christ, but in different ways.

This is not about superiority or inferiority. It is about roles, responsibility, and reflecting Christ in the covenant of marriage.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands

as you do to the Lord.”

(Ephesians 5:22)

Let’s be honest, that is a difficult verse, this is not a popular verse today. Many people react to it immediately, often because they misunderstand it or because they’ve seen it misused. So, before we react, we must understand what Paul actually says here.

The word translated submit is a compound Greek word meaning. “To willingly place yourself under.” Not by force, not by coercion, not by domination, but voluntarily.

It is an act of the will, a posture of the heart, it is a choice of love.

And notice carefully. **Paul does not say “women submit to men.” He says: “Wives, submit to your own husbands.”

This is not a universal command about gender relations. It is a specific instruction within the covenant of marriage between two people who have chosen one another. Submission is primarily about desiring to put the other person first.  Submission does not mean silence, passivity, inferiority, or the suppression of personality.

Biblical submission is positional, not personal. It is similar to an employee submitting to a director in a company. The employee may have more experience, more insight, or better ideas and a good employee will bring all of that forward to help the organization flourish.

Submission does not mean withholding your wisdom. It means offering it in a spirit of partnership and respect. Submission is not about losing your voice. It is about using your voice to bless, support, and strengthen.

It is saying:

“I am here to serve you with my gifts, my thoughts, my ideas, my strengths and I respect the role God has given you in this marriage.” This is not demeaning. It is Christlike. Jesus Himself said: “I did not come to be served, but to serve.”

Submission is simply the posture of Christlike servanthood within the marriage relationship.

The Most Misunderstood Part — Obedience.

Paul does speak of obedience but again but this is where many people misunderstand the passage. 

In the first century, every culture expected wives to obey their husbands. That was not new. That was not shocking. That was not controversial in any way at that time. 

The real shock in this passage is not what Paul says to wives, it is what he says to husbands. Because in the ancient world, husbands had authority but no obligations. Paul changes that completely.

He gives husbands the most demanding, most sacrificial, most Christlike command in the entire New Testament. But we’ll come to that in a moment…. For now, understand this:

Submission is never a licence for abuse. Submission is never an excuse for domination. Submission is never permission for a husband

to throw his weight around. If a husband demands submission, he has already failed to understand the passage. Submission is something a wife gives, not something a husband takes.

It is a gift, not a weapon. It is an act of love, not an act of fear. And it is always done “as unto the Lord.”  Why Should a Wife Submit? Paul gives the reason in the next verse, and this is where we will pick up next time.

But for now, remember this:

Submission is not about hierarchy. It is about harmony.

It is not about power. It is about partnership.

It is not about control. It is about Christ.

This is the foundation for everything Paul is about to say. because it says, which is why the next verse says. 

“For the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Saviour of the body.”

(Ephesians 5:23)

Let’s slow down and understand what Paul is actually saying.

1. Headship Is a Responsibility, Not a Rank

Paul does not say to the husband, “You are the head.” He says to the wife, “You have him as head.”

In other words, this is not a command to the husband to assert authority. It is a description of the husband’s responsibility. Headship is not about superiority. It is not about dominance or control, it’s about responsibility. It is a job description.

It means the husband is accountable before God for the spiritual climate of the home, for the well-being of his wife, and for the direction of the family. It is not a badge of honour, in reality, it is a burden of responsibility.

And just because someone has responsibility does not mean the other person is inferior. Submission has nothing to do with inferiority, but it has everything to do with position and function.

Just as Christ is the head of the church, not because the church is inferior, but because He is the Saviour, so the husband is given a role

that mirrors Christ’s responsibility.

2. Is Submission Absolute? 

The answer is no. Submission is never obedience to sin. If a husband asks his wife to do something that violates Scripture, she must say no.

If he lies on a tax return and asks her to sign it, she must say no. If he, for example, asks her to cover up wrongdoing, she must say no. If he asks her to participate in sin, she must say no.

Submission is never a licence for sin, and it is never a justification for abuse. The wife submits as unto the Lord, which means her ultimate loyalty is always to Christ.

Paul now reveals the model that shapes everything he is about to say:

3. The Model for Marriage Is Christ and the Church.

The model for marriage is not a perfect couple. It is not a modern theory; it is not a cultural ideal. It is Christ and the church. 

This is the pattern, the blueprint and this is the design. Marriage is meant to be a living picture of the gospel and that means: The husband represents Christ. 

The wife represents the church. Their relationship reflects redemption, their love reflects the cross, and their unity reflects the covenant. This is why marriage matters so deeply. This is why Paul spends so much time on it. This is why the roles are so weighty. 

If you are single and hope to marry, this is why you must choose wisely.  If you will one day want to submit to someone in this way, then choose someone you can respect. Choose someone you can trust, c

Choose someone you can look up to.

Marriage is not about remaking your spouse. It is about serving your spouse in the roles God has designed.

4. What God Says to Husbands — The Hardest Command of All

Now Paul turns to husbands, and he gives them the most demanding command in the entire passage:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

(Ephesians 5:25)

This is not romantic love. This is not emotional love, this is not sentimental love.  The Greek word is agape, the love of choice, the love of sacrifice, the love that seeks the highest good of the other person. And Paul says: Husbands, love your wives the way Christ loved the church.

How did Christ love the church? He gave Himself for the church. He sacrificed and laid down His life for her. This is not about authority. This is about sacrifice.

This is not about privilege. This is about responsibility.

This is not about getting your way. This is about giving yourself away.

A husband is called to sacrifice his interests, his comfort, his time, his money, and the husband, if necessary, he must even sacrifice his life for the good of his wife. 

When you read this, you begin to realise that the wife does not have the harder role. In many ways, the husband does. Submission is difficult, but sacrificial love is potentially harder.

Paul now explains what Christ did for the church and applies it to the husband’s role.

5. The Husband’s Calling Mirrors Christ’s Work for the Church.

Christ:

Cleansed the church

Sanctified the church

Will present the church as radiant and glorious

And this passage tells us He did this “by the washing of water through the word.”  (Ephesians 5:26)

This “washing” is a picture of regeneration, the cleansing that happens when we hear the gospel and respond in faith.

Christ cleanses us, and He sets us apart, makes us holy, and then presents us without blemish.

And this passage says Husbands, your love should reflect that. Not that a husband saves his wife, only Christ does that. But the husband’s love should be cleansing, sanctifying, uplifting, protective, and life‑giving.

A husband should love his wife in a way that helps her flourish spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. His leadership should make her stronger, not smaller. More radiant, not diminished. More secure, not fearful. 

Paul now brings this whole section to a climax. (Ephesians 5:27–33)

He has shown us the wife’s calling to Christlike submission, and the husband’s calling to Christlike sacrifice. Now he ties everything together by pointing us back to the gospel.

Because ultimately, this passage is not about marriage techniques. It is not about personality types. It is not about cultural expectations. It is about salvation. It is about Christ. It is about the gospel lived out in the home.

1. Christ’s Work for the Church — The Pattern for the Husband.

Paul writes that;

Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her: “…that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, and present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

(Ephesians 5:26–27)

These verses summarise the entire Christian life:

·         Justification — we are cleansed

·         Sanctification — we are set apart

·         Glorification — we will be presented spotless

Christ died to meet our deepest spiritual needs:

·         Cleansing,

·         Forgiveness,

·         Transformation,

·         And final glory.

And this passage says: Husbands, love your wives like that. Not by saving them — only Christ saves. But by loving them in a way that reflects Christ’s love: 

Sacrificially,

Spiritually,

Tenderly,

Purposefully and faithfully.

A husband is called to love his wife in a way that helps her flourish spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. This is not about control; it is about care. This is not about authority. It is about responsibility.  This is not about privilege; it is about sacrifice.

These words imply something very challenging. A husband must know the Word of God so he can minister to his wife and family. Christ cleanses His church “by the washing of water through the word.” A husband cannot imitate Christ if he does not know the Word.

Let me ask gently: How many Christian men today take their spiritual responsibility seriously enough that their wife or children could come to them with a spiritual question and receive a wise, biblical answer?

In many homes today, the wife is the spiritual leader by default because the husband has abdicated his role. But Paul says: If you want to lead in God’s family, you must first lead in your own family. A man who is not the spiritual shepherd of his home cannot expect to be a spiritual shepherd in the church.

This is not about dominance. It is about discipleship. It is not about control; it is about care. It is not about being “the boss.” It is about being the first to serve, the first to sacrifice, the first to pray, the first to open the Scriptures.

Paul adds another element:

 3. Cherishing — Meeting Emotional Needs

“Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies… nourishing and cherishing them.”

(Ephesians 5:28–29)

The word cherish is a beautiful word. It means “to warm,” “to comfort,” “to tenderly care for.” It speaks of emotional sensitivity. Many husbands do well at providing financially, maybe even protecting physically, or attending church faithfully. But emotional care is often the missing piece.

A wife needs to be cherished which includes being heard, understood, valued and comforted…. emotionally supported. This is where many men struggle. But Paul says: If you love your wife, you must love her emotionally, not just practically.

Let me share a story.

I once heard a pastor in America tell how a woman in his church accidentally crashed her car into his at a red light. She was distraught, not because of the damage, but because the car was her husband’s dream vehicle, purchased only two days earlier.

As she opened the glove box to retrieve the insurance papers, she found a handwritten note attached to the insurance document.

It read:

“If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been in an accident. Remember, honey, I love you, not the car.”

That is cherishing.

That is emotional care.

That is Christlike love.

A Christian marriage therapist once said:

“Most couples come to me saying, ‘If you just fix the other person, we’ll be happy.’” But that is the opposite of what Paul teaches. Paul says:

“Submit yourselves.” Not “fix your spouse.” Not “change your spouse.” Not “control your spouse.” Marriage is not about reshaping the other person. It is about reshaping yourself into the likeness of Christ.

Significantly, Paul places this teaching right here in the letter. Ephesians begins by telling us we are called into a relationship with Christ and into a relationship with one another. 

Then Paul tells us how to walk: Walk in unity, Walk in truth, walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom. But now, in chapter 5, Paul shifts from the church gathered to the church scattered, the church in the home.

He speaks to:

Wives,

Husbands,

Children,

Parents,

Servants,

Masters.

Why?

Because Christianity is not just lived in church. It is lived in kitchens,

living rooms, marriages, families, and workplaces.

But notice that from this point onward Paul stops using the word “walk”

and begins using the word “submit.”

Why?

Because submission is simply the practical expression of walking in love and walking in wisdom. It is the very definition of what it means to walk in the Spirit.

The passage ends with Paul quoting Genesis:

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

(Genesis 2:24)

Then he says, “This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Marriage is a model, a miniature version of a greater reality.

The real thing is Christ. The model is marriage. The way Christ loves His church is the way a husband should love his wife. The way the church responds to Christ is the way a wife should respond to her husband.

Marriage is a living parable of the gospel.

So, wives, never compare your husband to another man. Husbands, never compare your wife to another woman. Both of you look to Christ because He is the model.

Outro:

Thank you for joining me today.

This passage in Ephesians is one of the richest, most challenging, and most beautiful descriptions of Christian marriage in the whole Bible.

It reminds us that marriage is not ultimately about two people trying to make each other happy; it is about two people learning to imitate Christ.

Wives are called to reflect the church’s devotion to Christ. Husbands are called to reflect Christ’s sacrificial love for the church, and both are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

When we embrace this model, not the world’s model, not Hollywood’s model, not the latest psychological trend, but Christ’s model, marriage becomes a living picture of the gospel.

It becomes a miniature version of the real thing: Christ loving His people, and His people responding in love. And whether you are married, single, widowed, divorced, or preparing for marriage someday, this passage calls all of us to the same thing:

Be like Christ.

Walk like Christ.

Love like Christ.

Serve like Christ.

Submit like Christ.

Because when Christ is the model, everything else begins to fall into place.

COMING NEXT — “Walking as Children and Parents”

(Ephesians 6:1–4)

In our next episode, Paul continues his journey through the Christian home. He moves from husbands and wives to children and parents.

We’ll explore what it means for children to “obey in the Lord,” What it means for parents to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord,” and how the gospel shapes the family just as deeply as it shapes the church.

It’s a short passage, but it is packed with wisdom, challenge, and hope.

I hope you’ll join me for that.

Until then, may the love of Christ shape your relationships, may the humility of Christ soften your heart, and may the example of Christ guide every step you take.