Building People Up. (Ephesians 4: 29–30)

This Podcast is part of a 10-year project to complete an in-depth, daily study of the entire Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. 

Episode Notes: Building People Up. (Ephesians 4: 29–30)

We often hear people described as “a good person.” You hear it at funerals more than anywhere else. No matter what the person was really like.  It’s a kind of cultural politeness, a way of smoothing the rough edges of a life with a gentle, vague compliment. But Scripture rarely uses the word good to describe human beings. In fact, Jesus Himself said:

“No one is good — except God alone.”

 Instead, the Bible uses a different word: Righteous.

 We don’t use that word much today. You don’t often hear someone say, “He’s a righteous man,” or “She’s a righteous woman.” But the Bible uses it constantly. And in Ephesians 4, Paul tells us that the goal of the Christian life is to grow into the likeness of Christ, to become righteous as He is righteous.

 And how do we do that? Paul says we must put off the old self and put on the new. Put off lying, put on truth. Put off sinful anger, put on righteous indignation. Put off stealing, put on honest work, and generous giving.

 And today, Paul adds another item to the list. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Finding people up. Ephesians four, verses twenty-nine and thirty. Let no corrupt words proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers, and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You know, we often hear people described as a good person. You hear it all the times at funerals, more than anywhere else. No matter what the person was really like, people are inclined to say they were a good person. It's a sort of cultural politeness, a way of smoothing out the rough edges of a life with a vague, gentle compliment. But Scripture, the Bible, rarely uses the word good to describe human beings ever. In fact, Jesus himself said, No one is good except God alone. The Bible uses a different word. It describes people as potentially righteous. Now we don't use that word much today. You don't often hear someone say, Well, he was a righteous man or she was a righteous woman. But the Bible uses it consistently, and in Ephesians chapter 4, Paul tells us that the goal of the Christian life is to grow into the likeness of Christ and to become righteous as he is righteous. But how do we do that? Well, Paul said we must put off the old self and put on the new, put off lying, put on truth, put off sinful anger and put on righteous indignation, put off stealing, put on honest work and generous giving. And we've covered all of those over the last few days. But then Paul adds this other item to the list. And it is that other item that we're going to look at today in today's episode of the Bible Journey Daily Podcast. I hope you enjoy the ride. So we're not to let any corrupt speech come out of our mouths, only what is helpful for encouraging, for building others up. So what does this word corrupt, sometimes translated unwholesome speech, mean? Well, the original Greek word that Paul chose to use here, which we've translated as corrupt, is sapros, a word used to describe rotting fruit, spoiled fish, even decaying rotten wood. It meant foul, worthless, rotten, harmful, destructive, all of those things. And the text is saying, don't let anything like that come out of your mouth, anything that is rotten, anything that causes things to be fall down or tears things down, anything that injures, poisons, anything that damages another person. And in our world today, this includes not only spoken words but type words on the keyboard, I would say. I would say it also includes things like Facebook posts, text messages, emails, WhatsApp comments, tweets, group chats, even sarcastic emojis and passive aggressive replies or comments. If it tears down, if it wounds, if it humiliates anyone, if it mocks anyone, if it belittles, these verses say, Don't let words like that go out into the world, and I would say in any format. This applies especially in family situations. A parent who continually says to a child, You're useless, or you'll never amount to anything, why can't you be more like your brother or your sister? They may think they're trying to motivate them, but they are actually planting seeds that can damage a child for life. I've seen this countless times in pastoral ministries, and I experienced it myself growing up. Psychologists will tell us that children raised in overly critical homes often develop patterns of exaggeration or attention seeking because they're desperate for the approval and the affirmation that they never receive at home. You see, words really do shape souls, and the same is true in marriage. A couple may argue, and in the heat of the moment some might say something that they'd never say if they were calm, but the words lodge in the heart of the hearer and continue to sit there and echo for years sometimes. And sometimes it's not even words, it can be tone. A sigh, a sarcastic remark, a rolling of the eyes, a mocking laugh, a dismissive comment. A leading psychologist that I read a few years ago once says that he meets people every week in his practice who were damaged not by what he said to them, but by how it was said. And that psychologist is also a well-known Christian apologist. Tone can sometimes wound as deeply as words, and when the hurt comes from someone you really love, someone you trust, someone whose opinion matters to you, those wounds will go even deeper. If you've ever been laughed at, you'll know how much that can hurt. I've been in group settings several times where someone's made a joke about my Irish background and that whole group laughed. But the time it really stung, the time it stayed with me, was when it happened at a meeting of Christian ministers. And if you've ever been on the receiving end of something like that, I know you'll know exactly what I mean. And I know I'm on the mild end of experiencing this compared to some people and what they have to put up to in their life because of their background, race, or cultural heritage. But the harder question in all of this is this have you ever been the one who used words that wounded someone else? Paul says let words like that never come out of your mouth. Not once, not ever. Now, this is serious, and how can I impress on you how critical it is? Well, let me be clear, God himself says he takes it seriously. He mentions it repeatedly throughout the Bible. In fact, James devotes an entire chapter to the danger of the tongue in his letter. He says the tongue is like a fire, it releases a world of evil, it is a restless, evil spirit, and it can be full of deadly poison. James in his New Testament letter even compares malicious speech to murder. But thankfully James also gives us an antidote, a solution to the problem. Be slow to speak, he says. If we paused half as often as we should, I think we'd avoid half, at least half the damage that we cause. And then there is the book of Proverbs for us. What a help that is. It is a book filled with wisdom, a lot of wisdom about the power of words. Proverbs says things like Life and death are in the power of the tongue, a gentle answer turns away wrath, reckless words pierce like a sword, gracious words are like a homicomb sweep to the soil. God, you see, cares deeply about how we speak to others, because our words either build people up or tear them down. And Paul says here that when we use our words wrongly, well the warning is we actually grieve the Holy Spirit. That is how serious this is. Now, if you want coaching on how to use words wisely, you don't need to look far. The Old Testament Book of Proverbs, as we've already mentioned, is like a masterclass in communication. It is a treasury of divine wisdom on how to speak, and when to speak, and when to keep quiet. I'd like to quickly walk through some of its advice. Proverbs ten, verse 19 says, In the multitude of words, sin is not liking. This tells me the more we talk, the more likely we are to sin. It's that simple. And that proverb continues, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Wisdom begins with restraint, with slowing down, with pausing long enough to let the Holy Spirit catch up with our emotions and our reaction. Jerome, that early church father, once said, Let us first learn not to speak, and afterwards we may open our mouths to speak wisely. In other words, silence is the training ground for wisdom. If we cannot control our speech, we will inevitably hurt others. Another one. Proverbs 15, verse 28. The heart of the righteous studies how to answer. You see, the righteous person thinks before speaking, they weigh their words, they consider their tone, and they ask themselves, How will what I say help? Will it help heal? Will it build up? Ultimately, will this honour Christ? But this proverb also contrasts these words with wicked words. But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil, it says, pours forth evil. The wicked don't think, they just constantly react. They blurt out, they lash out, they speak the first thing that pops into their mind. Someone once said the righteous weigh their words, the foolish they weigh nothing. Another one. Third one. Proverbs 2123. Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles. This is wonderfully practical advice. If you guard your mouth, you're guarding your life. And if you don't, you're inviting trouble. Most of the relational pain we experience in life comes from words delivered too quickly or too harshly. And this proverb is saying you can avoid a whole world of trouble by simply slowing down your speech. Number four, Proverbs 29 20. Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. This is one of the strongest warnings in Scripture about Curtis's speech. A person who speaks without thinking, he says, is in worse shape than a fool. But why would it say that? I think it's because a fool may be ignorant, but the hasty speaker is dangerous. Their words are out there, they cut, their tone wounds, their reactions destroy other people. Proverbs 18 17 adds, a fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. Words, hasty words can really trap us. They can ruin us. Not only do they harm other people, they can destroy our relationships, our marriages, our friendships and reputation, they can even destroy churches and families. All of this biblical wisdom points to just one truth. The tongue is not the real problem, the heart is. Jesus said himself, the things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart. That's Matthew 15, 18. The tongue, you see, is the microphone that takes those hearts and exaggerates it and amplifies it and lets it out loose in the world. But the heart is the one that inspires those spoken words. The tongue, if you like, and the words is a symptom, the heart is the problem, the disease. If harsh words come out of your mouth, it is because of harshness and hardness in your heart. If bitter words come out of your mouth, it's because bitterness lies in your heart. And if cruel words bubble up and pot out of your mouth, it is again because there is that sense of cruelty and nastiness towards others in your heart. Jesus also said, it is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of him. That's real wisdom, isn't it? That's Jesus speaking in Matthew 15. In other words, your words, the things you say, reveal your spiritual condition. And Paul says a Christian, someone who knows Christ, must not allow harmful words to come out of their mouth. If someone tells you your words have hurt them and you keep doing it, you are deliberately violating this command of Jesus. But thankfully this text doesn't just say the negative about not speaking corrupt words, he also gives us a positive command. Speak, yes, but only what is good for and necessary for edification. Now that word edification literally means to build up, not just emotionally, but morally and spiritually that other person. It means what we say should strengthen someone else's faith, encourage their walk with God, lift their spirits when it's down, restore their hope when it's lacking, and always pointing them to Christ. Someone once put it bluntly, build up or shut up. If your words won't help, then don't say them. Proverbs 16 again says pleasant words are like honeycomb, sweetness to the soul, and health to the bones. Isn't that beautiful that little adds on at the end? Words can literally, it says bring emotional and spiritual healing, and I would say increase mental resilience. They can bring about spiritual encouragement. Now many psychologists today talk about things like toxic environments and toxic relationships, situations that they have identified that damage mental and physical health and mental well-being. But friends Scripture said this over two and a half thousand years ago. There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promote health. That's way back there in Proverbs twelve, eighteen. Thoughtless words pierce like a soul. Wise words can heal like medicine. Let me quote for you this time one of the greatest lies ever written. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Words do hurt people, words can break a heart, they can crush a spirit, and words can wound a soul to its very core, but words can also heal. Praise God words can restore, words can strengthen, words can really lift people up. The tongue of the righteous is as choice as silver. In other words, your words can be like a treasure to someone. They can be treasure or they can be trash, and Paul here is calling us to try and always speak out what is treasure. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, the Bible tells us, and this is not meant to be some sort of poetic exaggeration. It's meant to be a sober spiritual reality check. Think about it. In a courtroom, the words of a witness in some occasions can determine whether a defendant lives or dies, and in everyday lives the words we speak can lift a person up or crush them down. They can heal or they can wound, they can inspire or they can injure. So we must constantly ask ourselves in everything we say, before everything we say, do my words tear down or build up here? Does this conversation injure someone or inspire someone? Will my comments impart grace or drain grace out of the life and a situation? Because the text here says speak so that it may impart grace to the hearers. This is the ultimate standard for Christian speech. Please note, the standard for Christian speech is not what you might think it is. It's not, is it true? It's not even is it accurate? It's certainly not, do they deserve to hear this? And it most certainly is not, am I justified in saying this because of what they said to me? The standard for Christian speech is does it impart grace? Now I've heard people defend some very harsh words by simply saying, well, it's the truth. But truth alone is not the biblical standard. Truth without grace is just brutality. Truth without love is cruelty. If God had given us only truth and justice, then we'd all be condemned. But Ephesians 2, verse 8 reminds us, for it is by grace you have been saved. And Romans 5 tells us that whilst we were still sinners, God died for us. God did not treat you as you deserved. He did not treat us as we deserved. He treated us with grace. And because we are recipients of grace, we must be dispensers of grace. Grace received must, my friends, become grace expressed. And to just bed that in first, Paul adds this deeply sobering extra statement in verse 30: Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. This verse about the grieving of the Holy Spirit is directly commanded to the commands about speech he's just given in the previous verse. When we tear people down, when we wound with our words, and when we gossip or when we slander, when we mock and belittle, we do not merely hurt the person, we grieve the spirit. And remember, the Holy Spirit is the one who enlightens us. He's the one who empowers us, convicts us, comforts us, guides us, seals our salvation, and transforms us on our discipleship walk in life. But when we use words to harm others, we hinder his work. We hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. A Christian who's tearing down others cannot grow spiritually. A Christian who wounds with his words cannot walk in the fullness of the Spirit. A Christian who grieves the Spirit is not becoming more like Christ. So these verses say simply don't do it. Don't do it because you don't want to grieve him. Don't silence his voice in your life and don't hinder God's work in your life. Instead, build people up, impart the grace that you receive, and speak life. Let me try and close today by gathering all these teachings into four simple words. Watch. Watch what you say. I heard a story of a woman who had a serious throat condition, and her doctor ordered her not to speak for six months after some minor surgery. She had a husband and four children. That seemed impossible, but she just about managed it. She frequently wrote notes instead of saying things. She used gestures. She placed notes around the house. When the sixth month was over and she could speak again, she made a remarkable observation. Her children, she said, had become quieter, kinder, calmer, more thoughtful indeed. And years later, reflecting on it in her journal, she wrote, I don't think I ever shouted after this period at them again. You'd be surprised how many notes I wrote in haste and then crumpled up and threw away. You know, it made me think if we saw our words written down in paper before we spoke them, we might crumple them up and throw many of them out. Most of them perhaps. So friends, the four words for you today to take away are watch your words, guard your tongue, speak life, and impart grace that builds people up. Watch, guard, then speak and impart. Because your words are either instruments of healing or they're weapons of harm. And this passage tells me the Holy Spirit is listening and reacting to everything we say and do. Thank you for being with me today. So if you want to find everything in one place, the place where you can do that and access that for free is Patreon. Everything is in the process of being put into playlist format based on books of the Bible, and uh everything I've done so far will all be over there. About three-quarters of the seasons recorded are already over there, and everything should be over there in a new edited longer format by the end of the summer. You know, today Ephesians 4 has been showing us what a righteous life looks like: truthfulness, integrity, righteous anger, generosity. We've looked at all of those things, and now today we've looked at what I've called gracious speech. But Paul isn't finished in his advice in telling us how to walk in faithfulness. And in our next episode tomorrow, we're going to move into one of the most beautiful and challenging passages in the whole chapter. Ephesians 4, 31 and 32 will tell us to be kind to one another, to be tenderhearted, and to forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. We're going to explore how kindness is not a weakness, as the world portrays it, and how forgiveness for Christians is not optional, and how tenderness is a mark of true spiritual maturity. So I really hope you'll join me for that. But until then, may the words that we study build us up, and may your words build others up, and may your heart stay open, and may the grace that you have received flow freely through you to others. Thanks for being with me today. Bye-bye for now.