Anger Management. (Ephesians 4: 26-27)

This Podcast is part of a 10-year project to complete an in-depth, daily study of the entire Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. 

Episode Notes: Anger Management. (Ephesians 4: 26-27)

Today's episode is not about avoiding anger, suppressing it, or even pretending anger doesn’t exist.  It’s more about managing anger. Understanding anger. And — believe it or not — sometimes expressing anger….

 Our single verse today: “ ‘In your anger do not sin’ do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,…” (Ephesians 4:26)

 Or, as the King James Version puts it: “Be ye angry, and sin not.”

 That’s a command—a biblical imperative. So, which is it? How can he command anger in verse 26 and condemn anger in verse 31? The answer is simple — and insightful:

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

My friends, welcome to the Bible Journey Daily Podcast. You'll notice the slight change of names. I've done this to avoid any confusion with other podcasts and YouTube channels with a similar name. Today's episode we're talking about walking into servanthood, and we're not only going to be going into Ephesians again, but we're also going to look in Hebrews, the Gospel of John and Thessalonians. So today we're going to return to a couple of verses we looked at in our last episode yesterday. Those verses in Ephesians 4, verses 11 and 12, as well as these other New Testament verses. But I suppose you might be wondering why. You might be thinking, didn't we already cover this? Didn't we already talk about unity and diversity and spiritual gifts? Yes, we did, but now we're going to slow down and look at something much more practical. How do we actually do all this? How do we actually serve one another? How do we walk in servanthood, as the metaphor is used here? How do we minister to real people in real life situations? Because the second half of today's episodes is going to be intensely practical and give you a template of how to do that. Because the biblical viewpoint is very clear that every Christian is in ministry and should be doing such things. Not just ministers, pastors or priests, not just elders, not just missionaries, not just the so-called professionals. But the fact is that every believer, we're told, has a spiritual gift, and every believer has a calling, and every believer has a calling to ministry, which means they have a ministry. The only difference is the type of gift we bring and employ in that ministry. So today I want to lay out for us some general principles that apply to all types of ministries, specifically pastoral ministries, principles that work in every situation, in every church, and indeed in every relationship. And then, as I say, we look at a few practical examples, a few practical examples of how to support people in these real-world scenarios. So that's the plan, that's the purpose. I'm looking forward to it. I hope you are too, and welcome to today's episode of the Bible Journey Daily Podcast. Hebrews 10, verses 24 and 25 says, Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Now notice the phrase spur on one another. This is not written to pastors or leaders, it's written to everyone, one another. This is the ministry for the whole church, for every believer, which means, my friend, it's a ministry for you. And the phrase translated spur on is also packed with meaning. In Greek, the noun form of this word used here is related to the word parakelitos, a word, of course, you may have heard before, a word repeatedly used, particularly in John's Gospel, to describe the Holy Spirit. In verse 26 of John chapter 14, we hear Jesus say, the advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said. So, in the King James, this word is used in various ways, always speaking of the Holy Spirit, and always speaking of the ministry of the Holy Spirit. He is referred to the Spirit as the comforter, the helper, the counsellor, the advocate, and the encourager. So when Hebrews here is telling us to spur one another on, it's actually a calling for us to reflect the ministry of the Holy Spirit in all of these aspects in the lives of other people that we're called into community or into relationship with. And this is a high calling indeed, but it's not a simple one because when you boil it down, pastoral ministry, real everyday practical ministry, rests, I believe, on three foundational principles. In order to do those things with people, you have to do three things. All three things. First of all, you've got to be there. That almost goes without saying, doesn't it? But before you can help anyone, you've got to be there. Now being there these days can mean a phone call, a text message, a FaceTime chat, as well as face-to-face. In fact, in recent years, those other things, particularly during COVID, those sorts of methods of being there for people were lifelines. But being there means more than being in contact with people, it means giving them your presence, being present for them, and friendship and walking alongside with someone. There's no substitute for that. But once they're there and you've done that first thing, you've shown up for them, turned up, you must do something else. And that second thing is to listen. Hebrews goes on to say, let us consider one another. Now to consider someone means to pay attention to them, to take note, to listen carefully, and you cannot do that if you're the one doing all the talking. You know, one of the occupational hazards, so to speak, of being a Christian is that we think we have all the answers, so we tend to rush in to give them. We see someone struggling and we immediately perhaps reach for a Bible verse or a piece of advice or even a spiritual solution. But that's not really pastoral ministry. Pastoral ministry begins with listening. Most people who go to counselors are not actually looking for answers, they are looking simply for someone who will listen to them. And Romans 12 verse 15 advises us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Well, you cannot do that unless you know what they are feeling, and you cannot know what they are feeling unless you listen. So listen. And in the third thing we do, we've turned up, we've shown up, we're there, we've listened, we identify with them. Empathy is the thing here. So after being there and after listening comes the empathy. It's more than sympathy, it's about compassion, understanding, and in a sense entering into their experiences. And only after these three steps do you earn the right to offer help, to offer guidance or support. And then the fourth step, the actual pastoral action, whatever is appropriate for the situation, will of course depend on the situation the person is facing. But the foundation before offering pastoral support or advice is always the same. Be there, listen, and identify. Show empathy with them. This is the ministry of the Holy Spirit reflected in the ministry of God's people. This is what I believe it means when it tells us to walk in servanthood. Okay. So that's the template for approaching it. But in the second part today we're going to look at types of pastoral ministry situations. We're hopefully going to get intensely practical here. You see, hopefully we've laid the foundation, we're there, we're listening, we're identifying with the people, and I want to show how these principles work in these real life situations. And scripture thankfully gives us several examples of people who are seen to need comfort, encouragement, and support. And each example teaches us how to minister wisely and lovingly and pastorally into those types of situations. Now the first I'm going to use for an illustration comes from 1 Thessalonians, where the issue being dealt with was grief. And when the issue is grief, our response should be to offer comfort and hope. In the passage covered in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, verses 13 to 18, as it happens, Paul has just visited Thessalonica. Paul is writing it after he has visited Thessalonica and led many to Christ. But they are then almost immediately under persecution and are forced to leave the city. This young church that he left behind was full of new believers who remembered Paul's teaching that Christ would return and that the believers would be called up to meet him. But after Paul left, some members of the congregation died, the persecution broke out, and these new Christians were confused and distressed. What would happen to those who had died? They asked. Would they miss the return of Christ? Would they be left out of the resurrection? So Paul writes to them, and in verse thirteen of this passage he says, I do not want you to be ignorant, brothers and sisters, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. And after explaining the resurrection to them, he then ends with this instruction. Verse 18, therefore comfort one another with these words. So this is pastoral ministry in its purest form when it's addressing grief. When someone is grieving, they don't need explanations, they don't need theological lectures, and they don't need someone to try and fix them. They need comfort, simple comfort. They need presence, they need to be listened to, they need empathy, they need those three preparatory steps, but after those three things, and only after those three things, the issue of what they need is hope. And this passage is specifically about bereavement, but we need to widen it because grief comes in many forms, because grief is not only after death, grief is actually about dealing with loss. Psychologists have a much wider definition of grief as a loss of anything that forces a change of identity on a person. Now the loss of a spouse, of course, turns a married person into a widower-widower. But think about the loss of a job. A suddenly employed person is forced into a situation where they're considered an unemployed person. And the loss of a marriage can bring real grief. It turns a couple into a single person, even a single parent sometimes. And the loss of health, that can turn an active person into someone limited or even disabled. And then there's a loss of mental capacity. That can feel like the loss of the person you once knew. Every loss forces a person to adjust to a new identity that they did not choose. That's the core of it. And with every loss comes grief. So whether someone is grieving a death, a divorce, a diagnosis, a redundancy, a broken relationship, or even the loss of a dream, the pastoral response is actually the same. Be there, listen to them, identify with them, and then offer hope. Because as he said, we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Now we still grieve, we still feel the pain, we still feel the separation and the loneliness, but we do not grieve as those who have no hope because in the midst of it all we have hope. We have hope that Christ will return, we have hope that the dead in Christ will rise, we will hope that we'll be reunited, and if it's in all these other areas, we have hope that the loss we have just experienced is definitely not the end of the story, the end of our story. Now, when someone is grieving, you cannot really remove the pain of the loss, but you can stand with them and gently remind them that the story is not over yet. And that's what Paul means when he says, comfort one another with these words. Comfort them with the truth that Christ is coming, comfort them that the truth that death is not final, comfort them with the truth that their loss or separation is temporary, and comfort them with the truth that we will all be together again. That is how we minister when the issue is lost. Again we be there, we listen, we identify with them, and then we comfort with hope. Okay, that was the first one, looking at how to minister to those who are grieving. Now Paul gives us a second scenario, one that's just as common and sometimes even more dangerous to our spiritual state. Discouragement. When the issue is discouragement, well, not surprisingly, the response should be to offer encouragement and direction. In 1 Thessalonians chapter 3, Paul describes a church that has been shaken. He and Titus, as I said, had planted that church in Thessalonica, but persecution came quickly and they were forced to flee. Just imagine that happening today in your church for a moment. Imagine the state turning against the church and the police arriving in a church, arresting the minister and the leadership team, hauling almost half the congregation away. You would probably wonder, am I going to be next? And is all this worth it? Should I perhaps give up the life of faith? Well, that was the atmosphere in Thessalonica, one of fear, confusion, and deep discouragement. And discouragement does not only come from persecution, let's be clear, it can come from things like criticism. Not just criticism of non-believers, but from criticism from inside, from inside the fellowship. Or we can be deeply discouraged in ministry and unmet expectations in life, or perhaps just spiritual fatigue, relational conflicts, or indeed our own personal failure. Discouragement is one of the most common reasons people drift away from church and from their calling. So what does Paul do in this situation? He sends Timothy. Verse 2 of chapter 3 says, I'm sending Timothy to strengthen and encourage you in your faith. Now Timothy wouldn't be able to remove their problems, he couldn't change the circumstances, but he still could be there and again be present, one, listen to them two, identify with them three, and then say effectively, you can do this, you can still make it, do not give up. Sometimes all a discouraged believer needs is someone who believes in them when they no longer believe in themselves. Encouragement, I think, is one of the most underrated spiritual gifts in our church, yet it is one of the most powerful ministries that we can have. Encouragement, in fact, should be a daily ministry. The book of Hebrews was written to Jewish believers who were under pressure from not just family but from culture and tradition as well. Some were actually thinking of abandoning Christianity and returning to Judaism. So the writer says, encourage one another, but he says, encourage one another daily. So not occasionally, not when convenient, not just when someone asks, but daily, because discouragement is daily, because temptation is daily, weariness is daily, and the spiritual battles we fight are daily events. But encouragement is the antidote to all these things. So our response to it should be ongoing and daily as well. But let me be clear, encouragement is not just saying you'll be fine, cheer up, my friend, or things will get better. Biblical encouragement points people forward. Hebrews 6.1 says, go on to maturity. So when someone is discouraged, you don't just need to comfort them, that's part of it, certainly. You also need to help them, give them direction. They need to be reminded that spiritual maturity is actually the path out of discouragement. It's the direction out. Growing in Christ is the thing that puts our struggles in perspective and strengthens us to endure. So when discouragement is the issue, same starting point, same template, be there, listen to them, identify with them, and then encourage them to keep moving towards spiritual maturity and what they're doing. Okay, there is a third scenario I'm going to deal with today, and this one is the most delicate of all. Paul writes in Galatians 6, verse 1 if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore that person gently. Now, this is not just a casual afterthought or casual advice, this is real holy ground. Restoring a believer who has fallen is one of the most difficult and sensitive matters in all the things and ministries we can do in church. But the same three principles of pry in approaching it, we've got to be there, we've got to listen, and we've got to identify. You cannot restore someone who you do not know. You cannot restore someone that you have not in some way walked with them, and you cannot restore someone you've not listened to, and you certainly cannot restore someone who ultimately you do not love. This ministry, I think, requires relationship, deep relationship, as well as a deep level of trust between both parties, alongside a deep sense of humility, not just in the one who has fallen, but the one who is listening and addressing the situation. And let me say this very plainly, friends. In my experience, more damage has been done in churches by people supposedly speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth in love without love, more damage than almost anything else I've witnessed. Very rarely should anyone march up to another believer and tell them where they are wrong. Correction should naturally arrive from pastoral, accountable relationships and from within trusted friendships. And often the most important restoration work is the work that we do in our own hearts. So, firstly, if the Holy Spirit is convicting you as a listener that you may have fallen short, then you should seek someone out, someone you trust, someone who's been there for you in the past, someone who listens and someone who understands, and ask them to pray with you. Ask them, invite them to walk with you, and ask for them for their wisdom. But scripture is clear in its response. All scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, and correcting and training in righteousness. So it's the awareness, the study, the application of the word that brings about the restoration in these things. Okay, that's three examples for you of three specific types of situation and how you should address them. Before I finish today, I want to share a story quoted by a guy called Pastor Don Crickle. It was in a sermon that I read, he published it some time ago, called Encouragement Desperately Needed. Now, this is a man who was a pastor, but it was also is coming from a man who served for over 30 years as the head of a state education department in the United States. And at the end of a career, he reflected on the most remarkable examples of leadership and teaching that he said he witnessed in that long career. And for him, he said one situation stood out. It was of a primary school teacher, the sort we would in the UK call a year five or year six teacher. So teaching nine, ten, eleven-year-olds, that sort of thing. And this teacher had just come through a very difficult year with a very difficult class the second year, and in the new term, she could see the same pattern beginning to emerge in this next year group allocated to her. So at the end of the first, towards the end of the first term, just before Christmas, she decided to try an experiment. She asked each student to write down the names of every other child in the class. She did it doing the roll call, and she said, Leave a space between each name. Then she said, write one sentence, write the nicest, most positive thing you can think about each person. And the children spent the rest of the lesson writing. And as they left the room at the end of that lesson, they handed their paper back to the teacher. Now over the weekend the teacher took every sheet and created a list for each child, and she made a list of all the good things those classmates had said about them. And on the following Monday morning she handed each student their list as they entered in for the beginning of the next week. Within minutes the room was full of smiles. Children were saying things like, I never knew anyone thought that about me. I didn't know I meant so much to people. I didn't even know people liked me so much. The teacher says she never mentioned that exercise again. She didn't know if it would have any lasting effect, but she did feel the atmosphere in the class change that day. The children were happier, kinder, and more confident, and the rest of the year, in fact, turned out to be a great success. And that group, that cohort. Years later, though, one of those students, a boy named Mark, joined the army and was sent and went to Vietnam, and he was sadly killed in action. The teacher attended his funeral, and to her surprise, many of Mark's old primary school classmates were there. And after the service, Mark's parents approached her. We want to show you something, his father said, pulling out a worn wallet, and inside it was a folded, taped, refolded piece of paper, creased from years of being opened and read. It was Mark's list. The list of the kind things his classmates had written about him all those years ago. Thank you, his mother said softly. Mark really treasured this. But then one by one, the former classmates who had been there gathered around. I still have mine, one said. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home. My wife put mine in our wedding album, another said. She said it was the thing that really helped her understand who I really was. Another reached into her purse and pulled out her own list, worn, folded, but still cherished. I carry mine with me everywhere, she says. Most of them, it seems, still had their lists. And Don Crinkle, the author, concluded, You know what? Words of comfort, words of love, words of encouragement are desperately needed and desperately appreciated. We forget that life will end one day, and we don't know when that day will be. My friends, hear me when I say this. This is a call of how to walk in servitude. Hear me when I say we should love and care for one another. We should tell people what they mean to us. We should encourage one another today and every day and for all time. So don't wait, my friends, don't assume that these people in our lives know. Don't leave these things unsaid. Tell them, tell them now, maybe tell them today. Because encouragement is not an add-on optional extra in our Christian life. It is a ministry, it is a calling, but it is also a command. Scripture says let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day approaching. That's Hebrews 10, 24 and 25. That, beloved, is what it means to walk in servanthood, to be there, to listen, to identify, and then to comfort, to encourage, and to restore. Simply put, to love. And that is the mini, and that is our ministry, our call to ministry, our call to walk, and it is also the ministry of the Holy Spirit reflected in the ministry of God's people. That is the calling of every believer, and that is the heart of Christ. Thanks for being with me today. Next time we'll continue our journey through Ephesians as we explore what it means to walk in righteousness and to put off the old self and put on the new and live a life shaped by the truth of Christ. So until then, may the Lord help you walk in servanthood, speak help you speak words of life to other people, and encourage one another as the day approaches. It's been a pleasure and a privilege to be with you today. 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