True Love – Part Two (Romans 12: 14–21)

The Bible is unmistakably clear on one thing: that love stands at the center of our Christian life. We are commanded to love God, to love one another, to love our families, our neighbours, and even our enemies.

That being so, it’s reasonable to ask: What exactly is love?

Today’s passage teaches us not just what love looks like, but how it behaves. It begins with the command:

Summary of Love in the Church:

• Put others first (vv. 10–12)
• Provide for those in need (v. 13)
• Practice hospitality (v. 13)

But beginning in verse 14, Paul shifts the focus outward—to love for all people, even enemies.

“Bless those who persecute you” (v. 14) — referring to those outside the faith. “Repay no one evil for evil” (v. 17) “If your enemy is hungry, feed him” (v. 20)

Most commentators agree: these are instructions about how we love our fellow human beings, not just fellow believers. That said, even if aimed at relationships within the church, the effect of such love is a powerful witness to the outside world.

Five Commands of Christian Love Toward the World:

Command One:

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse." (Romans 12:14)

Christian love doesn’t retaliate with words or actions. When wronged, we bless. Speak kindly, not flattery, but grace. Even in persecution, love blesses.

Command Two:

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)

Love is emotionally present. Love enters into others’ joy and sorrow. It celebrates sincerely and weeps compassionately. Love shares the experience of others.

Command Three:

"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." (Romans 12:16)

This is a call to humility and unity. Love sees value in everyone. Don’t network upward; relate humbly. Love looks around, not up.

Command Four:

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone... If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:17–18)

Love refuses to strike back. It doesn’t even the score. It seeks what is right, honourable, and healing. Paul is realistic: peace may not always be possible, but as far as it depends on us, we pursue it.

Command Five:

"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath... ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord... ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.’... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:19–21)

This is the climax. Don’t take justice into your own hands. Trust God with vengeance

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• 21:16 (Cont.) True Love – Part Two (Romans 12: 14–21)

Transcript

True Love – Part Two (Romans 12:14–21)

Transcript:

The Bible is unmistakably clear on one thing: In that love stands at the center of our Christian life. We are commanded to love God, to love one another, to love our families, our neighbours, and even our enemies.

That being so, it’s reasonable to ask: What exactly is love?

1 Corinthians 13 is famously called the “love chapter,” and while it describes love’s qualities, it doesn’t strictly define it for us. Other books like 1 John and Philemon also explore love, but mainly in relationship to negative things like love of money, 

Romans 12 probably comes closest to offering a true definition of love—and not just a definition, but also practical guidance for how love should shape our lives….

Today’s passage teaches us not just what love looks like, but how it behaves. It begins with the command:

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

(Romans 12: 9)

We explored this yesterday, and I suggested it offers the clearest biblical definition of love: That true love hates to hurt and longs to help.

The word abhor/hate means to loathe or hate intensely, and cling means to hold fast, as if glued. The word evil here refers not only to moral failure but to actions that cause harm. 

So, in essence, Paul says genuine love refuses to harm and actively seeks to do good.

That’s echoed elsewhere:

"Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law." 

(Romans 13:10)

"Love is kind." 

(1 Corinthians 13:4)

These verses all point to the same conclusion: love is defined by kindness and a refusal to harm.

In verses 10–13, Paul applies this to life within the Christian community. He says love expresses itself by honouring others above ourselves, serving with spiritual zeal, showing patience, giving generously, and practicing hospitality. 

So in summary, love among believers means:

Puts other people first. (v. 10–12),

Provide for those in need (v. 13),

Practices hospitality (v. 13).

But beginning in verse 14, Paul shifts the focus outward—from love within the church to love for all people, even including those who oppose us.

The tone and direction of the passage now suggests Paul is urging a broader love—love for our fellow human beings, even our enemies.

And that’s where we’ll turn next.

Now, for the most part, its emphasis outward — beyond the Christian community. For example, Paul says in verse 14,

 “Bless those who persecute you” — a clear reference to those outside the faith. Verse 17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil” — again, likely referring to unbelievers. Then in verse 20: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him.” Most commentators agree that these instructions are directed primarily at how we love our fellow man — not just our fellow believer.

That being said, some argue that these commands could still apply to fellow Christians. After all, it is sadly possible for another believer to become ill disposed to you. One commentator I read suggested that even if these instructions were aimed at relationships within the church, they are meant to have a visible effect on the unbelieving world — to demonstrate love that disarms hostility.

Be that as it may, I want to suggest that the bulk of what follows here deals primarily with how we love those outside the faith. And in verses 14 to 21, Paul gives us five clear commands — five imperatives — that paint a picture of what that love looks like. 

This is quite different from verses 10 to 13, which were dominated by participles and descriptions of attitude and disposition. Now Paul gets very specific.

Let’s walk through these commands together.

Command One: Paul says

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” 

(Romans 12:14)

This is the first mark of Christian love toward the outsider: when someone treats you with hostility — with hatred, even — you don’t return the favour. You don’t curse them. You bless them.

Now that goes against every instinct we have. When someone wrongs us, when someone attacks us, we want to strike back — maybe not with fists, but with words. However we might turn our reaction into a prayer: “Lord, deal with them. Judge them.” But Paul says that’s not the attitude we should have.

Instead, bless them. Speak well of them. That’s what the word “bless” means here — to praise, to speak kindly. Not flattery, but grace.

When we’re wronged, slandered even, persecuted — we’re still called to speak with grace. That’s what love does. It blesses when it is cursed.

Command Two:

Rejoice with Those Who Rejoice, Mourne with Those Who Mourne (Romans 12:15)

This next command is about sensitivity — emotional attentiveness. 

If the first command is about how we respond to our enemies, this one is about how we enter into the lives of others. It’s a command to be fully present with people — to let their joy be your joy, and their sorrow be your sorrow.

Some try to spiritualize this verse, but I believe we should take it quite literally. Yes, rejoice — not begrudgingly, but sincerely — when something good happens to someone else. And yes, weep — not out of duty, but with compassion — when someone else is in pain.

Why? Because love joins others in their experience. Love doesn’t stand at a distance. It gets close. It celebrates when others are blessed. It grieves when others are hurting.

That’s what Paul is commanding here: empathic love. Love that enters into the experience of the other person and shares the load.

Command Three: Paul continues: 

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

(Romans 12:16)

This is a call to unity — not uniformity in every thought or opinion, but a shared humility and mutual respect. It’s about how we relate to people regardless of their status, influence, or intelligence.

Paul warns against pride. Don’t aim to impress. Don’t be wise in your own eyes. Instead, be willing to associate with the ordinary people.

Sadly, this cuts against much of what we see in the world. The world tells us to network upward. Spend time with the people who can help you. Make connections that benefit you. Even in ministry, pastors are sometimes told, “Find the influential members of your church. Get to know the wealthy. Build your circle around the powerful.”

But Paul says: Don’t do that. That’s being wise in your own opinion. That’s the world’s way, not the Lord’s.

Instead, value everyone. Also spend time with those the world overlooks. The rich and powerful don’t impress God — and they shouldn’t impress us either. Love doesn’t look upward; it looks around. It actively seeks out the lost, and the overlooked.

So, what have we seen so far?

Bless those who persecute you — speak well of your enemies.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep — show emotional solidarity.

Be of the same mind, associate with the humble — walk in humility and unity with all.

And remember, these are not mere suggestions. These are commands. 

They define what it means to walk in love toward a world that may not understand or accept you. But they also reflect the very character of Christ — who loved us while we were still sinners.

Next, we’ll move on to the final two commands in verses 17 to 21 — and we’ll see how love not only absorbs evil but overcomes it.

Paul continues in verse 17.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone..”

And in verse 18,

 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Here’s the fourth mark of real love: it does not retaliate. It doesn’t strike back. When wronged, it doesn’t return the blow—verbally, emotionally, or physically. Instead, it seeks peace. It pursues what is good for the other person, even the one who has caused harm.

This echoes the great love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13, where Paul says, “Love thinks no evil.” That is, love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. It doesn’t carry a grudge or mentally tally offenses. Love doesn’t keep score—and love doesn’t even the score.

So, when someone cuts you with a sharp word, you don’t repay with a sharper one. When someone wounds you deeply, you don’t respond by trying to wound them back. Love refuses to retaliate.

Instead, he says, “Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.” That means: always seek to do what is honourable, what is right, what is healing in your relationships. Even when you've been wronged. Even when no one else is watching.

Then he adds, “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”

Now notice what Paul does here—he is realistic. He says “if it is possible.” In a broken world, it may not always be possible to live at peace with everyone. Some people refuse reconciliation. Some situations require boundaries. But our responsibility is this: “As much as depends on you.” We do our part. We keep our side of the street clean. We refuse to hate, to retaliate, or to become bitter.

Sometimes peace is not possible because standing for righteousness will cost you. Sometimes peace isn’t passive; it requires courage. There is a time to say, “enough is enough.” But the default posture of the Christian heart should always be peace—peace pursued, peace offered, peace lived out, wherever and whenever it is possible.

Finally, Paul comes to his fifth and final instruction. In verses 19–21 he says:

“19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written

 “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

(Romans 12: 19-21)

This is the culmination of Paul’s teaching on love: do not seek revenge. He is not simply saying, “don’t respond in anger,” but something deeper: don’t take justice into your own hands. Let God handle it.

“Leave room for God’s wrath,” Paul says—not your wrath, but God’s. Let His justice prevail, not your sense of payback. Quoting Deuteronomy 32:35, Paul reminds us of God’s promise: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.”

In other words, justice will be done. Either in this life, or at the judgment seat of Christ. God is not indifferent to injustice. But it’s not your job to bring about final reckoning. That’s His.

Your job is something else entirely: mercy. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” That’s from Proverbs 25. It’s a radical idea. When someone wrongs you, your response should be an act of unexpected kindness. Not because you’re trying to manipulate them, but because that’s what it means to love.

Paul says, “In so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” That’s an ancient image, probably referring to stirring someone’s conscience through undeserved goodness. Your mercy may even bring conviction. But even if it doesn’t, it still brings glory to God.

So in summary of the whole section is this: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

In a world of bitterness and retribution, the Christian way is a different way. It is the way of peace. The way of mercy. The way of the cross.

There’s a concept in Scripture that is so radically counter to human nature, so foreign to the instincts of the flesh, that left to ourselves, we would never conceive of it—let alone live it out. 

It’s this: when someone wrongs you, you do not retaliate. You do not seek vengeance. You do not get even. Instead, you step back and let God take care of justice. And once you’ve laid down the burden of punishment, you’re finally free—free to do something extraordinary. You’re free to show mercy.

That I believe is the heart of what Paul is teaching us today. 

But the deeper issue behind all this is that it asks us: What’s your motive? Paul makes it clear—we don’t show mercy so that judgment will be heavier. We bless, we feed, we give, because we are followers of Christ, who loved his enemies even as they nailed him to the cross. 

Our posture is not one of vengeance cloaked in virtue. It’s one of true, costly love.

Prominent Methodist evangelist of the last century, E.E. Shellhammer once observed that when we are misunderstood, when our opinions are ridiculed, when our reputations are unfairly attacked, the mark of true greatness is silence—not defensiveness.

When we feel the pull to fight our own battles, Christ steps aside and leaves us to struggle. But when we resist that pull, when we entrust ourselves to God, he becomes our defender.

And God knows how to do justice far better than we ever could.

That’s not weakness. That’s power. That’s the transforming love of Christ in action.

In verse 21, Paul gave us a concluding command that encapsulates the entire passage: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” 

That’s not a hollow platitude—it’s a battle cry for those who follow Jesus. Because evil will come at you. People will hurt you. Some will persecute you, ridicule you, misunderstand you, or treat you unjustly. Paul isn’t naïve about that. He names it. 

But he also commands us not to let that evil get inside us, not to let it change our character or shape our response. We don’t fight darkness with more darkness. We fight it with light.

And what does that light look like? It looks like offering kindness, serving someone who doesn’t deserve your kindness. It looks like choosing love over revenge, mercy over retaliation, silence over self-defence.

Now, some might say, “But I just want justice! I want what’s right!” And yes, justice is a good and holy desire. But beware—that cry for justice can sometimes be a mask for vengeance. I’ve seen it again and again. People claim to seek justice, but what they really want is payback. What they really want is control. What they want is to hurt right back.

Let me be clear: justice belongs to God. It’s not yours to carry. 

Your role is to love—even your enemies. If you insist on defending yourself, if you demand your rights above all else, God may just let you try. But you will botch it. You’ll make a mess. And it will cost you more than you know.

There’s an old story about Abraham Lincoln. A wealthy man came to him, furious about a poor man who owed him $2.50. That was a considerable sum at the time. He demanded that Lincoln pursue legal action. Lincoln agreed—but said his  fee would be $10 fee. The man was so angry he paid him Lincoln and said, “go get him”. 

Lincoln went to the debtor and gave him $5 to pay the debt back. The man agreed paid and made peace with man and was able to keep $2.50 for himself, which left the former debtor with $2.50 in his pocket. 

In the end, the rich man got what he wanted—but it cost him three times as much as it would have if he’d simply let it go.

That’s what happens when we insist on our “rights.” It ends up costing us far more than mercy ever would have. Love is costly, yes—but not loving is even costlier.

That’s the Spirit of Romans 12. It doesn’t demand what’s right. It does what’s right. It doesn’t retaliate. It redeems.

So let me ask you—are you trying to win your battles your way, or are you letting God do it his way? Are you being overcome by the evil done to you, or are you overcoming evil with good?

Yesterday, Paul said in verse 9, Love hates what is evil and clings to what is good. True love doesn’t fake it. It doesn’t wear a mask of niceness while seething with bitterness. It doesn’t wait for someone to “get what’s coming.” True love forgives. It serves. It sacrifices.

And in doing so, it points to Jesus—the one who, when reviled, did not revile in return. The one who, when he suffered, did not threaten, but entrusted himself to him who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23).

This is not weakness. This is the greatest strength of all: The power of love in the face of evil. And it’s yours to live—if you’ll lay down your weapons and instead pick up your cross….