True Love – Part One. (Romans 12: 9-13)

🔑 Key Theme:

True Christian love is not sentimental, vague, or self-serving—it is sincere, ethical, and devoted to the wellbeing of others, especially within the family of believers.

📖 Summary:

In today’s episode, we begin a two-part exploration of Romans 12:9–13, a passage that offers one of the clearest New Testament portrayals of what genuine Christian love looks like.

We open with a simple but sobering question: What is true love? Drawing on Paul’s teaching, we discover that true love is sincere—without hypocrisy or performance. It is a love that hates what harms and clings to what heals. It doesn’t merely feel; it acts. It doesn’t simply accept others; it prefers them above oneself.

🧠 Core Insights:

• Love must be sincere – No masks, no manipulation, no hidden agendas.
• True love hates evil and clings to good – Love is morally discerning, protective, and committed to kindness.
• Christian love expresses itself first in the community of believers – with familial affection (storgē), friendship (phileō), and covenantal devotion (agapē).
• Honour others above yourself – Not through self-degradation, but through joyful self-giving.
• Christian love is not passive – It is passionate, zealous, and actively serves the Lord.
• Love endures and is sustained through three spiritual virtues:
  • Joy in hope
  • Patience in suffering
  • Faithfulness in prayer

Theological Emphasis:

This passage reveals that agapē love—God’s kind of love—is not an emotion but a decision: to will the good of another. It is spiritual, ethical, and grounded in a future hope that fuels present service.

🛠️ Application:

• Are you loving others with sincerity—or with performance?
• What evils do you tolerate that harm others emotionally, spiritually, or relationally?
• How can you actively prefer your fellow believers in your daily life this week?
• Is your service marked by spiritual fervour—or passive obligation?
• How might deepening your prayer life sustain your love for others?

🙏 Prayer Focus:

Ask God to give you a love that is real and active—a love that delights in doing good, that lifts others up, and that endures through prayer and hope.

📍Next Time:

In Part Two, we’ll look beyond the household of faith to see how Christian love extends even to those who oppose or mistreat us. Romans 12 doesn’t just call us to love one another—it calls us to love our enemies. Don’t miss it.

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• 20:23 (Cont.) True Love – Part One. (Romans 12: 9-13)

Transcript

True Love – Part One. (Romans 12: 9-13)

 Transcript: 

A man was strolling past a bookstore when a title in the window caught his eye: How to Hug. Being of a romantic nature, he stepped inside to buy it—only to discover it was volume thirteen of an encyclopaedia set, covering entries from Hal to Hug. 

He’d thought he found a book on love, but it wasn’t the real thing.

How many people have made a similar mistake—thinking they’ve found love, only to discover they’ve been misled? How many women have got engaged or entered into a relationship thinking he loves me, only to realize too late that he only loved himself? 

And I wonder how many have come to church expecting a loving community, only to find otherwise?

Most of us been there—thinking we found love, only to be let down. So let me ask plainly: What is love? What is true love?

There’s no shortage of mushy, sentimental substitutes. So how do we distinguish the real from the fake?

To find the answer, I invite you to turn to Romans 12, one of the clearest portrayals of genuine Christian love in the entire New Testament….

Let’s begin today by reading verses 9 to 13:

“9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 

(Romans 12:9–13, NKJV)

This entire section is about love. In verse 9, Paul defines it. In verses 10–13, he applies that definition to our relationships with fellow believers. From verse 14 onward, he will broaden the scope to include all people—even our enemies.

Today we’ll focus on the definition in verse 9, and how that definition is lived out within the Christian community.

Paul writes: Love must be sincere, without hypocrisy. That’s the heart of the matter. Love should be real—not a performance, not a show, not a means to an end. True love has no hidden agenda.

Paul’s call is clear: Don’t practice a phony kind of love. Don’t settle for the counterfeit. Practice true love—the kind that is sincere, selfless, and unshakably grounded in Christ.

But Paul doesn’t stop at sincerity—he shows us what true love looks like in action: Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

This is all one sentence in the Greek. Paul isn’t listing three separate commands; he’s describing one seamless reality. True love is sincere—by hating what is evil and clinging to what is good.

The word “hate” is a strong one. It means to be horrified, to be repulsed by evil—not just in theory, but in the way we treat people. In fact, the word translated “evil” can also mean “harm” or “hurt.” True love recoils at the idea of injuring another.

Conversely, Paul says, cling to what is good. The word “cling” literally means to glue yourself to something. Love binds/attached itself to goodness—to whatever heals, builds up, and blesses others.

So, what is true love? It’s not mere affection. It’s not sentiment. It’s not poetry under pressure. It’s a way of being that is utterly opposed to evil and totally committed to good.

And where does this love show up first? Among fellow believers. Paul continues:

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves...” (v.10)

In other words, true love is expressed in the family of faith—through mutual affection, humility, and honouring others above ourselves.

This is all one thought,  as it is written by the Apostle Paul in the Greek text. That's its more specific definition. It's talking about injuring a  person in some way. So, what he is saying is you are  to practice true love that is abhorrent at the idea that you  would hurt somebody. 

Paul exhorts us to “hate” what is evil; cling to what is good.” At first glance, the word “good” seems broad and generic. However, when we look deeper into the Greek, the word rendered “good” can carry a more pointed meaning—something closer to kind or benevolent. It doesn't just refer to moral uprightness in the abstract, but to tangible acts that help, heal, and promote the wellbeing of others.

Paul’s instruction could then be paraphrased: Hate what harms other people and be attached to what helps them. This brings us to a profound spiritual insight:

True love hates to hurt and desire to help people.

This phrase encapsulates the essence of Christian love (agapē) as it appears across the New Testament. It aligns perfectly with Paul's later statement in Romans 13:10: “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” 

Likewise, in 1 Corinthians 13, love is said to be kind. That is, it actively seeks the good of the other person. Love, in the biblical sense, is not primarily a feeling—it is an ethical posture and a willing commitment to the flourishing of the other.

Agapē, the word for love used in verse 9, is love as a decision of the will—a commitment to seek what is best for another, regardless of emotion. But Paul does not stop there. In verse 10, he introduces a fuller picture of Christian love among believers.

Paul also writes: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

This verse layers three different Greek words for love:

Agapē (v. 9): The will to seek another’s good.

Phileō (v. 10): The love of friendship and fondness—emotional affection.

Storgē (v. 10, via philostorgos): The natural love found within families—tender, loyal, familial.

Taken together, these words form a holistic image: believers are to will the good (agapē), to feel affection and fondness (phileō), and to treat one another with familial tenderness and loyalty (storgē). In short, Paul is urging Christians to love one another like family—not simply out of duty or principle, but with the warmth and loyalty of a family tie1.

We are to feel toward one another the kind of affection one has for a beloved sibling or a dear parent.

In this context, “preferring one another in honour” doesn’t mean belittling oneself but elevating the other—delighting to see others honored, loved, and recognized. It’s a relational humility rooted not in inferiority but in self-giving love.

All of this builds up to a powerful, practical exhortation in verse 10: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” The core idea here is familial—because we are members of the same spiritual family, united in Christ, we are called to honour one another, to place each other above ourselves in love.

That means, simply put, I will honour you above myself—not reluctantly, but joyfully. Because we belong to one another in Christ, I will actively seek what is best for you, and I’ll do so gladly and without hesitation. 

The principle we saw in verse 9—love hates what is evil and clings to what is good—gets its first practical application here: prefer one another in honour. True love delights in lifting others up.

It’s a Christlike willingness to relinquish personal recognition to show love for a brother or sister.

But Paul doesn’t stop there. Because someone might wrongly assume that preferring others means stepping back, doing nothing, being passive. That’s not what Christian love looks like. Verse 11 corrects any possible misunderstanding with three rapid-fire exhortations: “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, and serving the Lord.” These form a kind of triad—Paul is showing us that preferring others is not passivity; it is passionate, Spirit-filled, and directed service.

We’re to be diligent, not lazy. Fervent, not lukewarm. And we are to do it all as servants of the Lord. That phrase, “serving the Lord,” is strong—it comes from the Greek word douleuō, which literally means to serve as a slave. That’s the posture we are to take: not one of self-promotion, but one of wholehearted, joyful service to Christ.

And here’s the point—if we see ourselves as serving Christ, then preferring others actually makes perfect sense. If I’m a servant of the Lord, then of course I will care about His people. Of course I’ll put others ahead of myself. Because in loving them, I am serving Him.

Paul says: don’t use your humility as an excuse for inactivity. Don’t sit back. Instead, serve the Lord. Serve one another. Be fervent and faithful, even when it’s behind the scenes.

This brings us to verse 12, where Paul gives us another triad: 

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Again, these are not disconnected sayings—they deepen the call to selfless love and faithful service. And they describe the inner life of the Christian who is truly preferring others.

First, we are to be joyful/rejoice in hope. Hope in Scripture always points forward—it’s anchored in the promises of God, and it's rooted in the resurrection of Christ.

Rejoicing in hope means we are sustained not by rewards or recognition, but by the confident assurance of God’s future. That is the deep motivation behind service: not applause today, but the joy of seeing Christ exalted tomorrow.

Second, we are to be patient in affliction. Real love suffers. Ministry often involves tough times. Loving people well involves disappointments, misunderstandings, and fatigue. But Paul says: endure it patiently. The word here, means to remain under pressure. Christian love has grit. It doesn’t quit when times get hard.

Third, we are to continue faithful in prayer. This is what undergirds everything else. If we’re not praying, we will run dry. But if we are continually seeking the Lord in prayer, He will fill us with strength to serve, to prefer others, to press on.

So, these two triplets—verse 11 and verse 12—are not random. They flow directly from the command to prefer one another in honour. They describe the kind of inner spiritual posture that makes selfless love possible. And they center on two realities: serving the Lord, and steadfast prayer. 

That’s the soil in which the real Christian community grows.

Our hope—our expectation—is in the future. We are not living for the present. We're not looking for what we can gain now. We are not being conformed to this present age, to use Paul’s earlier phrase in this chapter.

Rather, we are setting our sights on something far greater, far more lasting—something eternal. Our hope is not in the present, but in the future.

That’s why we rejoice—not because we’re receiving medals now, because the race isn’t finished yet. We rejoice because one day, we will stand before the Lord, and by His grace, we will hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

That future reward gives meaning to present endurance. And if that is your perspective, certain things naturally follow.

Paul also says: “be patient in tribulation.” The word “patient” here literally means to endure. And “tribulation” is a vivid word too—it carries the sense of pressure, affliction, and stress. It’s the crushing weight of life in a fallen world. So, Paul is saying: if your hope is rightly placed—if your expectation is in the future—then you can rejoice in the present even while enduring the stress and pressure of the everyday.

You can do that because you’re not living for now. You’re living for then. And that perspective gives you the strength to keep going. It fuels steadfastness in prayer. You remain grounded, seeking God’s presence and power through it all.

So in this short but potent passage, Paul shows us a kind of spiritual chain reaction: when your heart is set on serving the Lord (verse 11), and your hope is rooted in the future with Him (verse 12), then you are able to endure the trials of the present, remain faithful in prayer, and—here’s the key—prefer others in love (verse 10). That’s the point he’s been building toward all along.

But if you're living for yourself—always seeking the place of honour now, wanting the reward in this life—then your expectation is in the present. You’ll struggle with tribulation. You’ll avoid self-denial. You won’t find joy in serving others, because you're actually serving yourself.

So again, the core point of this passage is this: we are to practice true love. And the first expression Paul gives of this love is preferring one another in honour. But that only becomes possible when our mindset is transformed—when our motives and our focus are set on Christ.

There’s a story that beautifully illustrates this truth.

Dr. James Franklin was traveling by train across the continent when a Black porter approached him and asked, “Are you a preacher?”

“Yes,” Dr. Franklin replied. “How did you know?”

“I saw the Bible next to you on the seat. Figured you probably were. I once planned on becoming a preacher myself.”

“Why didn’t you?” asked Dr. Franklin.

“Well,” said the porter, “I’ve got this younger brother. When I told him I wanted to be a preacher, he looked at me with longing in his eyes and said that it was also the desire of his heart. We talked it over, and I decided he should go to college while I worked on the railroad to pay his way. He’s now a preacher in Africa—maybe you’ve heard of him. They call him Bishop Scott.”

“Bishop Scott?” Dr. Franklin said, stunned. “He knew him he was in fact the first Black man the Methodist Episcopal Church ever advanced to the office of bishop. He’s doing a great work among his people.”

Some years later, Dr. Franklin had the privilege of meeting Bishop Scott. Shaking his hand, he asked, “Do you have a relative who worked as a porter?”

“Yes,” Bishop Scott replied. “He’s, my brother. And I owe everything to him.

That’s exactly what Paul is teaching us here. For a brother or sister in Christ—for someone you recognize as family in the Lord—you prefer them. You serve them in love. Not because it’s easy, not because you’ll be praised for it now, but because you are serving the Lord, and He will reward you when you stand before Him.

That’s the first and primary way Paul tells us to live out love. But he gives us two more expressions of this kind of love in verse 13. He says: “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need and practice hospitality..”

The way this passage is structured, there are three tangible expressions of love among believers. 

·         First, in verse 10, Paul tells us to give preference to one another. 

·         Second, in verse 13, Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.

·         And third, practice hospitality.

Let’s look briefly at the second and third. 

In the early church, many Christians lived in poverty. So, one act of love was simply sharing what one had—meeting physical needs. 

Paul devoted a large part of his ministry to raising funds for the struggling believers in Jerusalem. Why? Because love refuses to be indifferent to suffering. Love hates what is evil or harmful, and clings—like glue—to what is good, kind, and healing. So, distributing to those in need is a concrete, necessary expression of Christian love.

The third expression of love is hospitality. The Greek word used here literally means being a lover of strangers. It’s love in action, directed toward those outside our immediate circle.

In the ancient world, inns were notoriously dirty and immoral—places of danger and vice. Christians opened their homes instead. They made space for others—not just socially, but spiritually.

Let me ask you: how do you use your home? Is it a private retreat to shut the world out? Is it a venue for showing off your taste and hosting friends? Or is it a place of ministry, a tool for love?

Our home is a gift from God, we should use it as He desires.’ Entertaining puts things before people but hospitality puts people first. 

Hospitality says if the house is messy? You’re still welcome. Entertaining subtly declares, ‘This is mine—admire it.’ Hospitality quietly whispers, ‘What’s mine is yours.’”

True love—biblical love—does something. It prefers others in honor. It meets the needs of the saints. It opens the home and heart to the stranger.

This isn’t an exhaustive treatment of love. There’s so much more. But don’t miss the principle behind it all, grounded in verse 9: Love must be sincere.In other words, real love hates to hurt and hungers to help.

Let me close with a story that captures this.

Years ago, two young men dreamed of being artists, but could only afford to send one to art school. They drew straws. Albrecht Dürer won, and his friend agreed to work in the mines to support him. Years later, Dürer returned a success, ready to support his friend’s education. But by then, the man’s hands were ruined from years of labour—gnarled, stiff, unable to hold a brush. 

Yet his friend said he bore no resentment. One evening, Dürer saw him kneeling by his bed, in prayer, lifted in quiet intercession—praying for Dürer’s continued success. Deeply moved, Dürer sketched his friend’s hands just as he saw them: worn, humble, and holy. 

The result became one of the most famous drawings in history: The Praying Hands. (Do a google search, they are beautiful)

That friend captured the essence of Christian love. He gave himself away for another—and did it gladly. That is love without hypocrisy.

So let us do likewise. Let us prefer others in honor. Let us share what we have. Let us open our homes. And above all, let us live love—not in word only, but indeed and truth.